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I hope to find out some of my strengths and weaknesses as a writer by sharing here an introduction of a story for a RolePlay game. Please keep in mind that I had no idea that I would be posting this for critique at the time that I wrote it. I was writing for fun and for the enjoyment of the people playing one of my custom Warhammer Quest games online.
A little more background might be helpful. The five warriors are characters in a RolePlay game. They each have various abilities. The Wizard obviously has the use of magic spells. The Wardancer has a skill called Dance of Death. The Gun Fighter uses a Snap Pistol. The Bounty Hunter's special rules about bounty hunting (of all things) I used more as an anchor for part of the plot. Finally, the Troll Slayer is a special dwarf who is in search of a glorious death in battle. He will go steadfastly forward toward his death even if he must go alone.
EDIT (added this paragraph in reference to some comments about 2,000 gold coin): Here is another word about context (Warhammer Quest game itself). The 2,000 gold coins is enough gold for one warrior in Warhammer Quest to train from Battle-Level 1 to Battle-Level 2. Most first adventure games have much smaller rewards, though I think there are a few which grant 500 gold to each warrior. So, for a first adventure game it is actually a rather decent reward.
I have removed most of the game instructions except for the final note which I really like. Of necessity, and regrettably so, there isn't much if any characterization of the warriors at this point, because in a role-play game like this, most of that is handled by the players themselves as they play the game.
Now here is the story (783 words plus a parchment/image with slightly over 100 words of text):
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ INTRODUCTION ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The five warriors gather for their first serious mission together in the Wayward Inn of an out-of -the-way town near a very deep, dark forest. The locals name the forest, the Blackest Nightfall Wood. It stretches for many miles. It is rumored that no one has fully explored its depths and that no one in their right mind would think of doing so, especially since a very evil and powerful witch lives in the heart of the forest.
The warriors are led by an anonymous messenger in ragged clothing into a back room of the inn...
As the five warriors settle in around the table to listen to the messenger read from a well-weathered parchment, our story begins.
The messenger speaks with a frail, scratchy voice:
"I have been sent by Gaglianus, a powerful witch from far away and deep into the Blackest Nightfall Wood . She forbids me to speak more than this. I must now only read the message she has written for your ears to hear."
Then he begins to read in such a weary and weak monotone that the warriors must stretch forward to catch every word lest they be lost in the dreary darkness of the dank room....
The Message
First the heart of my message...
Warriors, warriors, how can you so
stupid be?
Not what on the surface is seen,
But, what is a part of me,
Greater than any place you have been,
There is none so strong, nor yet so mean
Than the beast of forgotten lands and of infinity,
Nor 'gainst it is there any weaker than
The hands of mere man
E'en with a great army.
Now that I have your undivided attention. I will give you a few well-deserved and spiteful taunting remarks. Other warriors before you have proven what a difficult prey I can be, since I am really the one doing the hunting...
Wizard, you likely know me better as "Gag, the Nagging Witch Woman". Your feeble powers are nothing compared to mine. You will soon see what a drag a nagging opponent as I can be.
Wild and reckless, Wardancer, you shall find your dance with death shall end sooner than you had hoped, for I am a much more talented dancer ... in my own way.
To you, my dear Bounty Hunter, I challenge you to come and fetch me that you might then fetch your bounty for returning with my head. Though I highly doubt you will return with your own head still attached!
Gun slinger, your petty pistol will snap its last bullet as I catch it between my teeth and have you for dinner.
Troll Slayer, Ha! Your death wish is my command. Come and see how gloriously gruesome your death at my hands shall be!
Sincerely NOT Yours, for you are all MINE!
signed, Mistress Gag
Upon the reading of the last words of the witch's message, the parchment is engulfed in flames. While one would expect the messenger to recoil from the heat, he instead slowly falls over onto his side. As soon as the warriors get up to see what has become of the messenger, they find that his body has been grossly devoured by hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of little worms, leaving only his tattered clothing to mark where he had fallen.
Immediately, the local constable steps through the door with a couple of his trusted men....
The constable speaks:
"Oh dear! I am afraid we are too late again. We believe that such a messenger's life might be saved if we could prevent him from reading a message from the evil witch. She somehow works a spell so that it is triggered by the full reading of the text in her parchments.
"Yes, this has happened before, too many times to count. Many a warrior has met a hopeless fate by going to face this evil woman. However, I have hope that you will be strong enough to put an end to her schemes. And, to prove my sincerity, here is the official bounty parchment. There is a great bounty on this witch's head. If you defeat her, presumably by killing her, you shall not only have our eternal appreciation, but you shall have 2000 gold coin to divide among yourselves."
The constable then hands the parchment to the Bounty Hunter.
NOTE: according to the conditions of this bounty, no reward will be given if there is no witch's head to return. Therefore, I am afraid that sending her down a Pit of Despair would be worse than throwing 2000 gold pieces into the bottom of the ocean. It can certainly be done, but it just will not pay the bills.